Hello all! I just wanted to share with you about the past few months of my life, because this past weekend I feel like I experienced a breakthrough... and I'm really happy about it! It's been a difficult year for me. Lots of changes in my life, and I do not deal well with change!

Perhaps one of the most challenging things has been my group of friends at school. Since I'm at school 5 days a week, 10 hours per day, these people have started to feel like my family. I might add that none of my friends are believers. Some in fact are adamantly against Christianity. A few of these girls even had their own run-ins with NSA through the youth group years back and are pretty bitter. I love these girls with all of my heart! and it breaks my heart to see how bitter they are and how unwilling they are to accept any kind of Godly truth. So I haven't pushed at all. They know where I stand and don't push me to change either. They have been wonderful friends for the most part, but they have challenged me like I've never been challenged before in my walk with God.

Spending time with my friends brought many unanswered questions into my life. Why do I believe what I believe? How can a God I love and serve allow suffering in the world? How can a God I love allow people to spend eternity in Hell? Am I ready to believe all of what the bible has to say, or will I be content to pick and choose which parts cater to my needs? Is there a need to remain pure until marriage? What do I really think about drinking with the intention of getting drunk? And on and on it went.

Almost needless to say, I've spent the last few months as an angry, confused, hopeless, and ultimately bitter person. I refused to allow God into my life. I refused to pray, read my bible, and perhaps worst of all I cut myself off from our house church and anyone in the Christian community. That is the main reason you haven't seen me throughout the last 5 or so weeks. I did have the flu and some choir commitments, but the rest was pure avoidance.

On Friday night Dayna spoke to us about what she has been up to over the past few months. Something prodded at my heart telling me that I needed to go to this event, so I went... Not only because I love Dayna, but because there was something God had for me there. When she started speaking I had tears in my eyes. It stayed that way the entire night; like there was this dam of emotion and longing brimming there right beneath the surface. Every time she got excited about something Jesus was doing I had chills up and down my spine... and when Anna sang I felt a longing in my heart to worship. I realized my every day is filled with music... theory, history, ear training... but no worship! And that felt like the key! Suddenly I understood that I was created to worship Jesus! That is my highest calling! I've been so focused on my schooling and my future and have failed to ask the question, "Lord where do you want me?" I have failed to sit at his feet. As Dayna put it, which struck a chord in my soul, I've failed to remember my First Love. Seeing Dayna's passion and what she has allowed God to do in her life has become a clear example to me... Here is a woman who loves Jesus with all her heart, who is doing what He has asked her to do, and who is using her gifts to their full potential. Here is a woman who has not run after success, but in my books is more successful than most. Here is someone who has chosen not to serve herself, but rather has chosen to make herself available to God and to whoever He needs her to minister to.

I went home and had a long talk with God. Nothing extravagant, but just enough to let Him know that I've decided to come home to Him. Though all of my questions still don't have answers, I'm so ready to let Jesus answer those as needed. I can't explain it, but I feel like I am ready to live the life that God has for me. I don't know what that looks like, but I know that I want to use my life to serve Him. He is speaking to me about worship, and community. Maybe this music degree isn't so pointless after all. Who knows? All I know is that here I am. I was so happy to be back with you all today and I can't wait what He has in store for us. I feel like a little girl who ran away and came home to the loving arms of her father, and her dear friends.

Thanks y'all! This girl is home.